Tip #18

Tip #18: Remember to smile, despite what you've been through.

I love this one. It's so simple, so self-explanatory, yet...it says a lot. This day and age is tough folks. Times now are much tougher than it was for the last generation or the generation before. Sure there's the recession and all, but I'm talking more on the mental and emotional scale. We've fought and are fighting the things that only some can imagine. One in particular I want to focus on is addiction, because that's the one that will, if we let it, destroy us, as it nearly destroyed me (ref: Tip#5).

Quick overview: It has been a little over a year since I overcame my own addiction (of which one it is, I will not mention). Sure I'm healed, but the memories and the scars are still there. I still remember how I felt during that time. I felt nothing, empty. I was apathetic toward everyone and everything, my grades were slipping, and several times I contemplated running away. I told no one of my suffering because I figured that people would push me away and reject me because of the addiction. I figured that perhaps I'd take care of it myself and that things would shape up eventually. Little did I know, it was only getting worse. One night in December, I was at the lowest point of my life. It was during this point I contemplated ending my life, so that way, I could end the addiction as well. Thankfully, it was my own conscious that brought me back and made me realize, "I need help." After that nearly fateful night, I opened up to those that loved me and who wanted me to rise above the addiction. Eventually, I got help from a psychologist and I put the addiction far behind me.

You'd be surprised at how many stories there are out there. What will surprise you even is the person telling them. Some fight addictions similar to my own. Some deal with abuse of various sorts. Some fight depression and self loathing. Yet curiously, each person finds a way to smile, despite what they go through. Why is that? There are plenty of reasons. Perhaps it may be loved ones, friends and family, that puts a grin on our face. Perhaps it's a certain hobby that gives us simple and pure joy that uplifts us and causes those pearly whites to shine. For myself, what helped me get through my personal war, was family and playing my cello. It gives me the purest of joys to pick it up and just play whatever my heart desires. For that reason, I smile. That's why I smile every day.

Ask yourself this question: What makes me smile? If you can't find an answer, find something that does. No excuses.

-250

Tip #17

Tip #17: Open your ears and listen to those who need someone to vent to.

This may seem simple to some; however, people screw this one up over and over again. Some get tired of being the "go-to guy" and just tell their friends or whoever it is to stop telling them stuff. In the end, feelings get hurt and the person who needed your help is now lower than before. All because you could not be the person who should have been there, listening and comforting them when that person needed it the most.

From past experience, it is a rather heavy burden of guilt. Especially for me. I've always been the person who listens and never speaks except to offer some words of comfort. Because I've been good at what I did, I made some very excellent friends. Unfortunately, I grew weary of doing what I was doing. I was feeling selfish and wanted my voice to be heard. When I offered some words of comfort or advice, sometimes it was taken, other times they were ignored. I don't mind that, it's their choice whether to listen to me or not. However, there was this one friend I had who listened to the words of comfort, but refused advice. At first, I thought this would not bother me. She needs comfort and someone to vent to, I thought. Time passed by and I grew tired of her constantly telling me her problems. Eventually I got to the breaking point. At first I thought I was giving her tough love, until I realized later, that I was not being the friend that she needed. When I realized it, I was too late. I regret my words that I have said to her. All she wanted was someone who would listen. She told me later that when she was in seminary, her teacher asked the class to list those they called "true friends." There was not one name on that list. Not one.

I should have been a better friend. I should have given words of comfort. But I cannot turn back the clock. I cannot take back the words that I said. I have wrote this lesson down in hopes that you, my dear reader, will not make the same mistake that I have. Please, please be the friend that you are needed to be, and don't let your own interests get away. Be the friend that will be willing to listen and who will be there whenever needed. Every broken person needs someone that will listen. Never forget that.

-250

Tip #16

Tip #16: Love comes to those who are patient.

Everyone struggles with this. There isn't a single person I know who can truly say that they are patient. No one can be truly patient because there is always something that can make them tick until, like a time bomb, they explode, leaving destruction in their wake. It hurts themselves, and it can hurt those around them. Patience is an incredible jewel to obtain, but the path to that treasure is one that is long, harrowing, and difficult.

I claim that I am a patient man. At times I can be very patient. At others...well...those who know me best know what happens there. I know for a fact that I cannot be patient all the time, especially when it comes to finding my eternal companion. My biggest problem with both is I want to see results immediately, preferably ones that I would like.

Ah the eternal companion portion. I, unfortunately, am not patient at all with this part. My whole life, since I've been able to realize that I want someone special in my life, I could not help but look. The romantic in me wants one of those high school or childhood sweethearts that I would one day marry. I want things to just fall into place and to have a clear, straight path that will lead me right to that girl. That is not how life works, however. Instead, life sends you on a wild goose chase all over the stinking planet. Hearts are broken, feelings are hurt, hate forms where love should be. Soon enough, all you can think about are the past relationships and how they could've turned out differently or how your heart could've avoided being broken if you knew then what you know now. As life goes on, it seems like you keep getting it wrong and your patience starts wearing thinner and thinner until it's nothing more than a piece of thread. Soon enough, we begin to think that we're never going to get married and have a family. For those who are far enough down the road, to which I hope you are not there yet, you give up entirely. Looking at happy married couples with families, I can tell you right now that if you wait just a little bit longer, your companion will be well worth the wait. Ask your parents or some other married extended family member, and they will tell you that they waited, learned, and searched for the one that would complete them. For you who are stuck on someone right now, ESPECIALLY if you're a teen, you may think that we may be with "so and so" in the future, but there is a small likelihood that would happen if you're the only one who believes it. Take it from someone who has been there and done that. Am I with her now? Nope. Does she talk to me anymore? Double no. Does she acknowledge my existance? Not from my standpoint. Am I ok with that? Yes but it took some patience in pain and much thinking. My point is, think about this whole thing. Do you see a future with them (without deluding yourself)? If not, then drop kick them out of your life and look elsewhere. We're holding on to the past because it's familiar to us. Returning to the past is possibly one of the worst ideas ever. It will be well worth your time if you instead move forward with your life. I guarrantee it. It may take a while, maybe even a long time, so long as you are patient as you are wandering around aimlessly in love, you may stumble upon that diamond in the rough.

-250

Tip #15

Tip #15: Always live in the now.

I must admit that sometimes I have problems with this particular lesson, especially when it comes to the past. Sure there are good times to look back upon but there are also bad things as well. I unfortunately have the tendency to focus more upon the bad that has happened to me. I look at all the mistakes I've made in the past and it just makes me start to loathe myself, like I used to. But then, it inadvertantly drifts to the good. I then look at all who have blessed me in my life, everyone and everything that brought me to this exact point now, that has made me who I am today. It makes me thankful and happy. Sure there may have been some bad but I see now that it was all for my benefit.

I have never concerned myself with the future. I always believe three things about the future:
1) The future is unwritten. This means that nothing is ever set in stone. The future is constantly changing based upon the choices that we make. Sometimes we, as humans, like to believe that we're supposed to do something or be with someone when, in fact, we will not know who we end up with or what we will do in the future.
2) The future is only as bright as you make it. Like I said right above, the future changes based upon your decisions. You can choose to either live your life in regret or follow what you feel is right.
3) The future happens not only because of time, but because you're moving your feet.
There are those who do worry about the future, what they're going to do with their lives, what colleges they're going to. Don't get me wrong, this is all very fine, but it is very dangerous to concern yourself with the future too much.

Live in the now.
The past is long gone and you're not going to get it back. Look fondly upon your memories, remember those who are gone, remember those moments that defined you and let them be your teacher.
The future is on its way. So long as you make those choices, whether they be great or small, you will get there.

-250

Tip #14

Tip #14: When insomnia strikes, make the most of it.

So this tip may not have much relevance to most of you, my readers, but perhaps there are those of you who are insomniacs like myself. For those of you who do not know what insomnia is, it's basically when you go to bed and you cannot fall asleep, no matter how much you toss and turn. It is not a serious health condition really, it's just rather quite annoying. You want to sleep but you can't. It sucks, but don't feel bad. Sometimes, it opens up something rather new.

For those who have a mild case of insomnia, it's really quite easy to be taken care of.  Usually the main cause of insomnia is stress, so here are some ideas that'll destressify you (yes I made up destressify. I think.):

For you midnight snackers, may I suggest hot cocoa, a cup of tea, some of that Neurosleep stuff, some turkey, or a banana? Now I'm sure there are other foods that contribute to sleep, I don't quite recall. However, if you so desire, look them up on Google. Besides food that'll help you get some sleep, try some nice gentle music (classical is a guarrantee knock-out), reading a book, or meditating. If you focus your mind on something other than the stress causer, you'll find that you will fall asleep much quicker than taking a pain pill or some Mormon Whiskey (Nyquil).

Unfortunately, there are those who have had insomnia for much longer than a few weeks. For myself, I have had insomnia for about 2 years now. There isn't really much I can do about it. For you who have the same problem as myself, I'm certain you have come up with your own outlets that not necessarily cure insomnia, but cope with it. For some, it may be composing music; for others, it may be painting or drawing. The point is, there are more ways than one to cope with insomnia. I myself choose to combine listening to Owl City and doodling, with the occasional blogging. Why do I choose Owl City instead of ambient music (instrumental music)? I find that his music is rather inspiring and does indeed speak to me as a fellow insomniac. From his music, I find inspiration and I draw what I hear into form. Because it is rather time consuming, it takes my mind off of the fact that I can't fall asleep and surpisingly helps me fall asleep even faster. Blogging is also very time consuming, especially when you have much to say.  Which is, ironically, exactly what I'm doing now.

There is one more method that can be used but only if you have a driver's licence, gas money, and a car/motorcycle. Simply go for a drive. Sure it may seem like you know where everything is but once the sun sets, the world becomes a very different place. New places are discovered, and the city lights give the world a type of magic to them. If you are one who doesn't live in city, drive out of town and look at the world only lit up by the moon and stars. You'll find yourself in wonderment as you look up at that starry night sky.

Like I stated earlier, these are not the only ways. There are plenty of other ways, so long as it works for you. Best of luck to you fellow insomniacs. For you non-insomniacs, treasure the fact that you can fall asleep a whole lot quicker than us.

 -250